Frustrations and Looking for Sunshine.

I've been here for about 5 months, and right now is a bit of a difficult transition. It's that feeling of new--with new classes and new people, but it lacks a certain luster. Over my Christmas break, I was lucky enough to see my family, my boyfriend, plus a really good friend from the past. So currently, I have withdrawal issues. Simply put, I'm feeling homesick, but this time, I'm not in a new place, and this whole experience doesn't have the same charming effect as before. I don't have that insatiable desire to go out and explore and have drinks and see everything imaginable--the new kids are like children on Christmas morning--everything is new and exciting. For me, it's nothing new--just the same.

Also, I have been here long enough that I have developed frustrations with certain habits here. My biggest one is conversation at the dinner table. Interrupting is very common here (and in the rest of Europe from what I've experienced), and frankly, I don't like it. I don't enjoy interrupting another person's sentence to throw in my own ideas. To me, it feels rude and inappropriate. Tonight after dinner, Amparo told Marli and me that we need to talk more at the table like Matoos--the Slovakian guy who is currently living in our house for 3 weeks. He asks questions and he and Amparo go back and forth interrupting each other--debating. I really don't enjoy putting in my opinion, because no matter what I say, it is ALWAYS wrong. Whatever I say, there is always something to criticize, so I find it better just to keep my opinions to myself. Lately, some dinner conversations have turned into "criticize America time"--which again, I try to say something, but it's wrong. It's just frustrating to talk to people who don't listen to your opinions and thoughts. Talking to people who always say "No, that's not how it is...it's like this..." or "Well everything would be better with this rather than that..."--it gets a little old...so I don't talk much to avoid getting angry and even more frustrated.

I'm trying to look for the bright spots and sunshine in all of this, with being homesick again and with the frustrations with communicating--I'm trying to do things to make me happy and give me joy. Being alone in the house and turning up my music really loud and just dancing around helps a ton. Plus going on walks or just laying in the río and talking with friends....it all helps.

This is a bit of a reality check--just because I'm in Spain for the year doesn't mean that it is all smiles, sunshine, traveling, and going out. There are ups and downs--days that you love, and days that you don't enjoy It's not just a dream world here--but I'm going to keep looking for the best in everything, and I know it will all work out.